Willow Creek, CA Trip - Checking In - Friday, 12/28/12

I've been taking a ton of pictures and video of my trip from Portland down to San Francisco.
I just settled in to my cottage in Willow Creek.  Cell phones don't work too well up here, so here is a photo just to prove I'm still alive.  This is town is Bigfoot heaven. While this picture below was being taken. I heard a Bigfoot howl and a bunch of dogs started barking like crazy. I swear.

Home Sweet Home.

I'll have about 100 new photos and some videos up soon.

Bigfoot photo of the day

This photo was sent to me today from a friend of a friend.  Bigfoot sightings are becoming more and more common as everyone has a camera on their phone. It was taken in the state of Washington. I can't say the name of the guy who took the picture because I don't know him personally so I don't want to write anything that he hasn't said directly. But it comes from a very trustworthy source.

Facebook status update: Just saw Bigfoot in my backyard.

12/24 Update - Portland - Willow Creek - San Francisco

I'm spending Christmas in the city of Hemet, California this year. Then on 12/26 I head up to Portland for 2 stand up shows, (I'll list the locations and times below, since clicking on the "Tour Dates" section of this website is useless.)

Hemet, CA, the poor mans Riverside.

After Portland, I'm driving down the 5 Interstate down through Oregon to Willow Creek, CA.
If your not familiar with Willow Creek, then your a normal person.
If you do know what Willow Creek is famous for, you don't have a girlfriend, but you do get turned on by the photo below.

Single, Black Female, 7'6",
like's playing "hard to get"

Willow Creek, is the #1 Bigfoot hotspot in the world.  Its a few miles south of where the famous Patterson Gimlin footage was filmed.  More sightings occur here than any other place on earth.
So basically I'm using my vacation to walk around the woods of the Pacific Northwest staring at tree's and feeling like I'm "Being Watched."
My mom faked her enthusiasm.  "Ohhh, your still going on that Bigfoot trip" 
Like most people, I'm sure she thought I was joking, but people should know by now that my jokes aren't that funny!

*if you email me at chrisgehrtcomedy@gmail.com by 12/28 with your mailing address. I'll send you a postcard from Willow Creek.

After I make contact with the creature using the bait below. I drive down to San Francisco for the Niners game on 12/30.

One box for me,  one for the squatch!  We can split the Bugles.

I love "Fudge Rounds", and they are always hard to find. So I stocked up. Anyways,  ..
The 49ers got a big game on 12/30 since they lost to Seattle tonight.  They gotta win this game against Arizona to clinch the division. If they lose, the only thing that will keep me from dying is the fact that I will be there with a photo of a Bigfoot in my pocket.
But they wont lose.

Guarding the presents.

So if you are one of the 10 people that actually read this website  (and I sincerely appreciate it that you do!) and you happen to live in the Portland area, stop on by one of the shows listed below and say hi.  If not, I should be putting a bunch of cool pictures and videos up in the next few days. (Comedy shows, Portlandia filming locations, Willow Creek stuff, etc.)
So stay tuned!  Happy Holidays!

Curious Comedy show
Thursday, 12/275225 NE Martin Luther King Blvd
Portland, OR
8:00pm

Gypsy Restaurant
Thursday, 12/27625 NW 21st Ave
Portland, OR
9:30pm – late

What is the song in the Zales commercial?

If your wondering what the name of the song is in the "Zales" commercial that everyone likes, its called

"If it wasnt for you" by the band Various Cruelties.

Putting this song in their ad is the smartest thing they have done since 1996.  Back when "Zales" was a powerhouse of suburban jewelry, dominating sales at the Fox River Mall in Appleton Wisconsin!

Here is their official website where you can watch the video.

http://www.variouscruelties.com/

Mavrick Artists Holiday Party 2012

The Mavrick Artists Holiday party was this past week.

Goldberg, Gehrt, The Greg Wilson, and The Jizzmaster.

Sights and Sounds - 49ers vs Dolphins

Here are some shots from last weeks 49ers vs Dolphins game.

Outside "The Stick"

Candlestick park around 11am. 2 hours before kick off.

Vernon Davis warms up.

This die hard fan was also at the park early. Watch out ladies!

49ers Mascot, "Sourdough Sam" does some weird dancing, earning his 8 bucks an hour.

Me and Zullo at the game.
I'm wearing my free promotional X-ray sunglasses!  Thanks Capital One!

Final Score

Dolphins Defeated

Batista!

I got to hang with Actor and former WWE superstar Dave Bautista the other day.   He and his friend John are super cool.  Check out Dave in the new movie "The Man with the Iron Fists" in theaters now!

You never know what to do with your hands in these types of photo's.
A: Do I make the "fist" too?
B: Do I put my right arm around him?
C: Do I give the "peace" sign?

ANSWER:  Anything but  C.

Comedian to watch: The Greg Wilson

If you haven't seen comedian "The Greg Wilson" before, your missing out.  This guy kills it on stage every night.  He is one of the funniest guys working today. With over 20 years in the stand up game, he is a master comedian.

Check out the video below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpUZYvW9NWg

Sights and Sounds - Slash Concert at the Wiltern

Slash played the Wiltern theater in L.A. on December 2nd and put on a killer show. 

Here are a few pictures.

The line was around the block but it moved fast. Like a gang bang!

The Merch stand. I got a new patch for my jean jacket.
But where is the Male Thong?

I ran into fellow comedian Greg Garner.  He was high as fuck!

A serious photo. For serious morons.

Slash played hits from GNR, Velvet Revolver and his solo albums. Every song kicks ass. And Myles Kennedy is one hell of a singer. He fucking killed it on the song "Starlight." The whole band was great. They closed the show with "Welcome to the Jungle" and "Paradise City."

This show kicked ass.

Dolphins vs 49ers

The Niners pounded the Dolphins this past weekend.   Pictures from the game will be posted soon!

I ran into Super Bowl XXIX Champion Eric Davis at the Airport on the way to the game.  He signed my ticket.  Eric is an analyst for the NFL Network and calls the 49ers games for the radio in SF.

The "Dexter"

In the 90's the popular hairstyle for women was called "The Rachel" inspired by Jennifer Aniston. In 2012 I am starting a new hairstyle for men called "The Dexter!"

Me and my "Dork Passenger"

How come this haircut hasn't caught on?  Because its fucking ridiculous!

A Snail Tale

I was walking outside my house doing god knows what, when I noticed a Snail was sitting on top of my gate.

Whenever it gets "Moist" out, it becomes Snail central on my walkway.  I usually crunch like 3 or 4 on the bottom of my slippers when I have to get the mail. (I'm joking ... sort of)
But how the hell did this one get on top of the gate?

I went and grabbed my camera and started taking a few photo's.  This was clearly the highlight of my day.

The Snail actually started to get camera shy and started going into its shell. It must of had no makeup on.  I felt like I was in a Pixar movie playing the big dumb human that comes up and starts messing with the "Snail Hero" that is on a journey to the mailbox or something.

I still can't figure out how the hell he got up on that gate!

Then I noticed another one climbing up the side, these things are going vertical!  So that's how he got up there!  But the gate doesn't go all the way to the ground, so it liked jumped or something.  I better leave this mystery to the scientists.

In closing, I thought this post would be a lot more funnier and interesting than it was. And the moral of the story is that Snails are morons.

Movie Idea: "Black Friday"

They should make a movie about a low level schlub who is forced to work the day after Thanksgiving. His business gets robbed and he ends up saving the day while meeting the girl of his dreams. He declares the day a national holiday where nobody in retail ever has to work again.   And he is black.
Maybe Nick Cannon would do it.

Happy Black Friday!

"I'm just here to return something!"

Welcome to the Jungle ... sung by a Wookie

I don't know where the hell this was filmed. I'm assuming in a galaxy far far away.

*You can totally tell this Wookie was a male cheerleader in college.

Directions to Candlestick park from SFO (San Francisco Airport)

If you are flying into San Francisco for a 49ers game getting to Candlestick park can be a pain in the ass. Especially if you've never been there before. Each home game, there are a fuck ton of people that fly into town and have no clue how to get to the park. There are no signs and the locals don't seem to know either.

Here is the simplest way to get to Candlestick from SFO Airport.

*take the airport shuttle to the Bart Train (Bay Area Rapid Transit)

*take the Bart train towards "Pittsburgh /Bay Point" (this is the North train that heads towards the city) (about 7 bucks)

*get off the Bart at the "Balboa Park" stop.

*go upstairs outside the Bart Station, and take the 75x shuttle Bus to Candlestick.
-on game day, the 75x shuttle will be running before and after the game.
It costs 12 bucks per person. There will be a table set up where you just pay the dude 12 bucks and he gives you a ticket for a round trip ride to Candlestick.

*to get back to SFO after the game just use your ticket to catch the 75x Shuttle Bus (located on the West end of the stadium) back to the Balboa Park BART station which you can take back to the Airport.

BUT WHAT IF I WANT TO GO INTO THE CITY BEFORE THE GAME?
Take the BART north towards "Pittsburgh/Bay Point" and get off at the POWELL stop.  This is the stop that takes you into the heart of downtown.  You can walk around San Francisco and see the sights, but make sure you leave for Candlestick a good hour and a half before game time.  To go back, take the BART Powell Stop south to Balboa Park and then catch the 75x shuttle to the game.

*people will tell you other ways and other busses to get there, but this is the quickest, most convenient way to get there.  

Here is the BART map.

*hopefully this is helpful,  now check out other cool stuff on this same blog!
www.chrisgehrt.com

Red Alert! New Bigfoot video!

We got a red alert Bigfoot sighting!   The state of Utah has been a recent hotspot for Sasquatch sightings and we got another one.  With everyone having a camera on their phone (except me) I think we are sure to see many more videos that will finally prove its existence.

Check out this story.

http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/39929/hikers+take+flight+when+what+they+thought+was+a+bear+resembles+bigfoot/

*During the holiday break I plan on driving south from Seattle to L.A hitting up all the Bigfoot hotspots.  I'll have a complete report on this blog soon.

Axl Rose on Jimmy Kimmel

Axl Rose did his first live televised interview in 20 years tonight on the Jimmy Kimmel show.
Me, being a 35 year old man-child looked at it as a great opportunity to wait outside in the cold hoping to see him!

about as close as I got.

Axl is more elusive than Bigfoot, he and Izzy Stradlin are the 2 GNR members I haven't personally met yet. You have to be fully prepared to spot him and or members of his entourage that can slip by at any moment. It was Windy as fuck on Wednesday night, and my "seasonal cough" was in full swing. (although nobody ever believes that I only cough when the seasons change) But me and one other die hard fan from Mexico were determined to track him down.

Auditioning for X-Men?

We waited in the back alley behind Kimmel's studios, hoping he would come out that way. The Security guards told us that Axl had already left, but as always, we refused to believe them and wanted to wait for another hour and see for ourselves if they were lying. .... they were not.

are you sure he already left?

Another security guard mentioned that Axl had gone to eat at the Roosevelt Hotel next door. So I got to look extra weird walking around the ultra-hip Roosevelt lounge wearing my GNR jean jacket and carrying a toy box full of memorabilia that I wanted signed.  After scouring the Hotel for about 45 minutes he was nowhere to be found, we kept missing him.  But we did meet a lot of cool fans that had the same GNR obsession as us.

We ended the night at the Papaya King on Cahuenga, which for some reason also has a nightclub in the back of the restaurant. It had some sort of hidden side door that separated the restaurant from the club, with a bouncer and all.  I had to ask the bouncer to move for a sec while I refilled my ketchup.  Its hard to take a bouncer seriously when he is flanked by condiments. I've been more intimidated by bathroom attendants!

The girls said they would post this photo on the wall, so I will be back to make sure!

I watched the Axl interview on TV and it seems like he is loosening up. He looked like he was having fun and was in a pretty good mood. He promoted his upcoming Vegas residency and talked about Halloween.
 It broke my heart though when Jimmy asked him about his days working at Tower Video and Axl said that he had hired people from the "Original Lineup" to work with him there.  The fact that he wouldn't say "Slash's" name sucks.  If you don't know the story, back in the day Axl was the manager for a bit at the Tower Video on Sunset. He hired "Slash" on before they both got fired. When Jimmy asked him about anything from the old days Axl put out the cold front.
That just plain sucks. But I guess that's none of my business.

Upcoming GNR shows to check out, - Axl in Vegas this month / Slash on Dec 3rd at the Wiltern.

The Jizzmaster 2 - on Funny or Die

Usually every third sentence I say is about "The Jizzmaster" or "Guns N Roses" so in case you have no idea what "The Jizzmaster" is, here is the link below.  And if you don't know what "Guns N Roses" is,  you can just leave this blog right now!  (Unless you live in Kenya, and you are hear to post your latest Werewolf sighting)

"The Jizzmaster"  part 1
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8d7424822a/the-jizzmaster

"The Jizzmaster" part 2
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8aa2665c0b/the-jizzmaster-2?rel=by_user

USC vs Colorado - Sat 10/20/12

A couple of my buddies from the Midwest came out for a visit this past weekend. Since there was no 49ers game, (they beat Seattle on Thursday) we cruised over to the "hood adjacent" campus of USC for the big game.

These guys are constantly pounding beers!  My cheap ass will ask if tap waters free, while they are ordering every over-priced "malt lager" on the menu.  My friend Chad decided to take a "World Tour" of beers because he wanted to taste France's version of "Old Style."  It would be cheaper to drink out of the urinal.

Smiling cuz I havent seen the check!

If you ask me, I look like a college student. If you ask anybody else, they'd say I'm retarded! With my hairdo I look like I graduated college in 1989.
But that didn't stop my head from being on a swivel as I took in all of the "sights" on campus!
If only Lambda Lambda Lambda had a fraternity here!

Cheerleaders on the big screen.

We left the game late in the 3rd Quarter after realizing that none of us really watch College Football. If I'm gonna watch a bunch of 19 year olds run around they better be girls!  But the L.A. Coliseum rules.  Growing up in Wisconsin, it was always cool to watch the late NFL game after the Packers because it would be dark outside my house but the Raider games on the West Coast would be on in the bright sunshine.

Also, the Coliseum is where Guns N Roses opened for the Rolling Stones in 1989 and blew the Stones off the stage. The legendary Stones were outdone by the opening act GNR!

There wasn't much of a presence for the Colorado supporters, except for this giant Buffalo that was blown up for their 6 fans to enjoy. I guess when the games over they can bring it to a used car lot and put it next to the giant gorilla.

No interest till next year!  Next Exit!

49ers vs Giants

I was pretty excited to watch the 49ers take on the Giants this year.  And then the game happened and I wanted to hang myself!

All smiles before the game.

I think I'm gonna puke.

The Niners got creamed, but it will be rematch time in the Playoffs!

New Movie! V/H/S

If you want to check out a cool new movie check out the Horror film "V/H/S."

At the Nuart Theater. (405 and Santa Monica Blvd / West LA)

I had heard about this movie from my stoner friend Justin who said he saw it twice and it was awesome.  So when I saw this marquee I had to go check it out.

Most "Found Footage" movies blow, But I force myself to watch them.  There is a rumor that the next "Friday the 13th" Film is going to be like that too.  Glad they jumped on the bandwagon early.   But this movie actually was pretty cool.  One of the producers is Brad Miska who runs www.bloodydisgusting.com a dude I use to email with back in like 2003 before his website blew up.  I wonder if he remembers me.....

Brad and some of the cast. "Hey Brad, remember me!  Its me, Raven69@yahoo!

The movie is a collection of 5 short horror stories all shown on one VHS tape with a wraparound that fills it all out in between.  I'm not going to give some sort of lame review where I try to "disect" the film and give some stupid judgement on it.  Just go see it,  you wont be disappointed.  It's pretty awesome, and it's different.

Even better, they had a surprise Q & A session with the cast after the movie. Whoever asked a question got a free t-shirt and poster. I had to get my hands on one of those shirts, so I stood up, and used my "stand up comedy confidence" to ask some lame question.  And now I have another weird shirt I can wear to work so I can continue to give out the vibe that I am 25 years old.

*Remind me to tell you about the time I asked a killer question at a Friday the 13th Q & A and got a standing ovation!  Those were the days!