Winter Trip - Part 1 - Portland

Here is Part 1 of my winter trip adventure in the Pacific Northwest. I took a ton of photo's so I'll try to be as simple and sarcastic as possible so this blog doesn't turn into a glorified Facebook page. (...too late)

One of my New Years Resolutions for 2012 was to perform stand up comedy in a new State. Since I had CA, NV, AZ already covered, my closest option was Oregon, so I had to rock that out before the end of the year.  So off to Portland it is!

At LAX, realizing that my humor may not fly in Portland.

Looks like Expedia has me flying Cargo, with 6 layovers.  Gate 69.

It's Christmas time so Portland has their tree up.

The only present ... Homeless People!

The downtown square looked pretty cool with the Christmas tree, but along the sides were tons of local vagrants. The city has a huge homeless population and they all have dogs.
With all the food trucks and pan handling it looks like a set from "Game of Thrones"

Right now, the show "Portlandia" is pretty hip, with over 100 viewers it is the IFC channel's biggest hit.  The whole city is either strongly "for" or "against" it. But either way they are cashing in because now they are known for something else besides being a poor man's Seattle.
 I meant to take more pictures of the "Portlandia" filming locations, but I forgot to print out a list.  But it turns out I took pictures of some of the places on accident.
Like "Mary's Club" Nudie Bar.  Which appears in the opening credits.

Do I have to pay a cover if I just jerk off in the street?

We came across "Mary's Club" because we were eating at a Mexican Restaurant next door called "Santeria's" and they share a bathroom.  So when I went to take a leak, I got to take in a free nudie show. Talk about beating the system!

They forgot to post the "F" in the window.

Actually the "Santeria" restaurant has really great food and the staff was pretty cool too. Definitely worth checking out,  I don't have the address, but you obviously have the internet so you will figure it out.

"Hey folks, My name is Chris Jericho from 2002 and I'll be your server"
"Just a reminder, You must be 18 and older to use the Bathroom"

If you want to be cool and order a shirt from "Mary's Club" you can be ahead of the curve and click on the link below.
http://www.marysclub.com/merchandise.php
I wont be wearing one until 2016 when it it's not cool anymore.
I'm still working on wearing out my jeans I bought in 1998 from "Express." (I wish I was joking)

Ok, now lets cruise around the city and check some things out.
When I get to a new city, I usually like to keep things "low key" and try not to make a scene.
I try to travel "under the radar" so I picked the appropriate vehicle.

It's cool if I park this here right?

Here is the "Portland" sign from the show "Portlandia" and from ... the city.

MOTHER'S RESTAURANT
When you travel with a woman, the whole trip can become a blur of "Getting Coffee"
and "Yelp Reviews." So I seem to get stuck eating at places I would never go.
Like "Mother's Restaurant"

"Who's hungry for over-priced breakfast!?"  "I am!"

The inside of "Mother's" is rich in history. It's pretty famous in town and is always busy.
It seems like one of those places where they would film reenactments for shows about "Hauntings" on the Discovery channel.

"I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and saw a man with a Top Hat on."
"It was the man from the painting!"

It's cold as hell up there this time of year. I should have packed more than just my tank tops and thongs.

Maybe its warmer in the river.

Portland is nicknamed "Bridgetown" because its so boring.

One of many.

"Hello?" "Mr. President, Yes, I'm in Portland."

VOODOO DOUGHNUTS
Every city has an "over hyped" restaurant that has lines around the block.
In Los Angeles it's "Pink's Hot Dogs" and whatever trendy Burger place some tool "Tweets" about that week.
These "Yelp Traps" are usually just good at wasting peoples time, because you have to wait for 2 hours in line just to be underwhelmed. In Portland that place is called "VooDoo Doughnuts."

But don't worry, you will never know, because everyone will pretend its the greatest thing they ever ate.  Its the same type of people that pretended to like the movie "The Master." so they can seem deep.

There better be a DMV inside.

http://voodoodoughnut.com/about.html    (Official Voodoo Doughnuts website)

I'm sure this place is fine, I didn't have time to actually try a doughnut because I was only in town for 48 hours. The wait time was 49.
* I always feel bad when I make fun of these type of places because I have no business writing negative stuff about them without even going inside. But I feel better knowing that nobody reads this and I'm the one sitting in my underwear watching "Animal Planet" right now.
 "Live Action!"

JACKPOT RECORDS
The next stop was "Jackpot Records", one of the many record stores in town. I stop in every one looking for rare "Guns N Roses" stuff.  I found a bootleg illegal copy of "Chinese Democracy" for my collection.

Some say every copy of "Chinese Democracy" should be illegal.

"Black Keys", No thanks sir, just the "GNR" is fine. 

www.jackpotrecords.com

POWELL BOOKS
Another Portland landmark is Powell Books. Powell's occupy's a full city block and is the worlds largest book store. It also doubles as the worlds largest Homeless shelter.

Somewhere in this place is an IKEA.

Objects in mirror are dumber then they appear. 

Check out the Duff poster on the top shelf!

www.powells.com

DOWNTOWN
We then went back to the hotel to get ready for the 2 stand up comedy shows that night.
I went on the balcony and waved to the city like Madonna in "Evita."

"Dont cry for me "Portland-ee aah"
"The truth is I never liked you."

CURIOUS COMEDY
My first show was at the Curious Comedy Theater.

Is this thing on? Oh, It is. That's the problem.

Everyone was great at the Curious Comedy show. I also met a cool group of local Portland comics.

The 2nd show was at the "Gypsy" Lounge. We then headed over to the "Helium" comedy club.

So that's it for Portland, I'll be posting more pictures soon including....
-Eugene Oregon, home of the Oregon Ducks football team.
- The Bigfoot scenic byway (Hwy 96) - a stretch of highway with the most Bigfoot sightings in the world
-Willow Creek, CA  - the Bigfoot capital of the world.
- San Francisco
- 49ers game, 12/30 - Niners clinch the NFC West.